Why Does Love Hurt?

"The only way to avoid the pain of loss is to never love—but love is always worth the hurt, because through love, we see the heart of God." — Andrea Rittenour

As I write this, my heart is aching. It is one of those days that is incredibly hard to complete. A person feels numb as they move forward, but afterwards feels emotionally and physically exhausted.

What was this day? The day we had to lay to rest our dear little dog, Cuddles.

I have written more than one blog about Cuddles because he has taught me so many spiritual lessons. He will live on in our memory. He is resting now, but our hearts and our home are empty. It is so quiet! No barking when someone arrives, no one to greet you at the door with whining and crying as if you had been gone for eternity, and no more love coming our way from him.

It hurts.

Going into the holidays will be hard. He loved Christmas. He was full of excitement when gifts were being opened, and he loved to open his own gift—and even help others if they would let him. So this holiday will be empty of his joy. It will be a hard Christmas.

I remember the day that my oldest son and I came home with Cuddles. But wait, I need to back up for a minute. I need to go back to the fact that my daughter had been wanting to have a dog of her own. At the time, I told her we couldn’t afford to pay a lot of money for a dog. I also told her to pray about it. And I prayed as well.

As I prayed, I also started looking. I was searching online on Craigslist. Her seventh birthday was coming up soon, and I thought it would be wonderful if we could find a dog. As I prayed, the thought occurred to me to place an ad myself. So that’s what I did. I don’t remember exactly what I said, but I did mention that it was for our daughter’s birthday and that we didn’t have a lot of money to spend.

Time passed, and nothing seemed to come up. I have learned that God often waits until the last minute. He wants to teach us to trust Him no matter what. Sometimes His answer is no. However, in this case, it was simply a matter of waiting.

Then one day I saw it. It was a post that had been up for a while, and I don’t know how I missed it. Someone was looking to re-home a dog. I can’t remember if they were asking for any money, but if they did, it wasn’t much. I contacted them, unsure if the dog was still available. But he was!

This was literally the last minute. My daughter’s birthday was on the weekend, and my son and I went on Friday to check out the dog to see if he was the right fit. As soon as I saw the little thing, I fell in love. He looked a lot like a dog I had when I was growing up. He took to me right away.

The people had been praying for a good home for him because of circumstances that had occurred—they could no longer keep him. We both felt that God had answered our prayers.

The dog’s name was Trousers. He was black, part poodle and part schnauzer. He was six months old, already had his shots, and was fixed. It was everything that we needed. He was a Godsend.

When we arrived home, of course, we couldn’t wait until her birthday because there was no way to hide him until then. So we gave him to her right away, and she fell in love with him. She didn’t prefer his name, so she changed it to Cuddles because he loved to cuddle.

Even though he was her dog, he attached to me more than her. It may have been because I picked him up first—we aren’t sure—but he still loved her company dearly.

One thing his owners told us was that he loved to sleep on their bed. I had never had a dog sleep on my bed. But I wasn’t concerned, because my husband had built us a really high bed pedestal. He was so small that I didn’t think he could jump up on our bed.

Wrong! That was the first thing he did, and he slept there every night until he got too sick to get up there. We even got steps for him as he got older and it was harder for him to jump, because he would whine until we picked him up and put him there.

What would happen is that he would start with my daughter at night and go to sleep with her, but then he would join us sometime after she had fallen asleep. Sometimes he would enter before she went to sleep because he seemed to be a mama’s boy.

Something that I taught him right off was worship time. When we would sit down for worship, I required him to sit on my lap. He was so smart. It didn’t take long for him to recognize the pattern. As soon as I sat down and started to read, if I hadn’t put him on my lap first, he would jump up and sit down. Sometimes I would read worship at the breakfast table, and he would come and start whining.

At first, I couldn’t figure out what was wrong, but then I realized that he wanted to be on my lap during worship. Through the years, whether we were having worship or not, if I were reading, he would get on my lap.

One thing Cuddles loved was popcorn. We had homemade popcorn almost every Saturday night. He would whine and scratch until you gave him a piece. He was obsessed! He fit right into our family because we also love popcorn.

We never had to worry about picking up any food that accidentally fell to the floor because he was our little vacuum cleaner.

Another thing Cuddles was particularly skilled at was detecting mice. We live in the countryside, so inevitably, we would get a mouse in the house. We were always aware of it because he would inform us. He knew what area of the house it was, so we knew where to set the traps. There was more than one time he actually caught one as well. He never ate them, but he made sure they were dead.

He had some bad habits, too—one of which was barking. He barked at everything! He would even bark at us when we came home and keep barking until we entered the house, and then it would turn into whining.

We had a doggie door for him to go out, so he would be outside and even see us, but he would bark until we came into the house. Thus, now it is so quiet—too quiet! Yes, it was unpleasant at times, but now that he is gone, I miss the barking. I wish I could hear him one last time.

Another bad habit he had was that he loved to explore. We had a fenced-in area for him so he couldn’t get out, but he was an escapee many times and put us on edge in a panic. Some got angry at him, but my daughter and I went into panic mode trying to find him. We all looked, but there were times when we couldn’t see him.

One time, he was out all night, and it was only by the grace of God that he survived and didn’t get taken by coyotes. That is a whole other story, which I wrote about in another blog.

Cuddles was a cuddler and helped my daughter and me through many hard times. He would sense our struggles and come and snuggle us. When I was going through health challenges, Cuddles was right there going through it all with me. He would have licked my tears many times throughout his life if I had allowed him to. I’m sure he licked many of my daughter’s tears.

What really makes me cry is how he wanted to comfort my daughter and me as we cried during his failing hours. He was so weak because he hadn’t eaten in days, yet he felt our hearts hurting. He looked at us with love and cuddled up to our hearts, trying to comfort us.

Why did he have such compassion? I think God put that in him because He knew that my daughter and I would need it through the years. I know he needed us, but I think we needed him more than he needed us.

It is going to be hard to go forward in life without him, but I am grateful that he is no longer suffering.

When I look back and see how God gave us this precious dog at the last minute, it was the best gift that He could have ever given us. He knew that my daughter and I would need him.

What a God we have that can see what we need before we can see it ourselves.

The only way that we would never hurt is if we had never loved. Love brings hurt! But love is worth the hurt that comes when we lose something or someone we love. Love is worth the pain.

It is not easy, though. Loss is painful, and there is no denying that. But as we love and hurt, it can make us better people. It can help us have more empathy for those around us who are suffering.

One thing that the hurt does for me is make me long for heaven. Sin has brought death. But soon this world will be over, and we will be able to love without pain. What a joy that will be.

“And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.”
— Revelation 21:4 (KJV)

I am looking forward to that day, and I want to be ready.

Dear Heavenly Father,
My heart aches with loss today, yet I thank You for the gift of love that You placed in my life through Cuddles. You have reminded me that love, though it brings pain, is still one of Your greatest blessings. Lord, teach me through this grief. Help me to draw closer to You and find comfort in Your presence. Use this experience to deepen my faith, soften my heart, and help me comfort others as You have comforted me. Thank You that one day, You will wipe away every tear. Until then, hold my heart in Your hands and let Your peace guard my thoughts.
In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

Action Steps for Dealing with Pain

1. Acknowledge the pain — don’t hide it.
Allow yourself to feel what you’re feeling. Grief is part of love. Pretending you’re fine will only delay healing. Cry, journal, talk to God, or share your heart with someone you trust. Admitting your pain is the first step toward peace.

2. Remember with gratitude.
Instead of focusing only on what’s lost, reflect on what was given. Each memory is a gift from God. Write down special moments or make a small keepsake that reminds you of the love shared. Gratitude transforms pain into purpose.

3. Lean on God for strength.
You don’t have to carry grief alone. God invites you to cast all your cares upon Him because He cares for you (1 Peter 5:7). Pray when it hurts most, even if your words are few. He understands the language of tears.

4. Allow time to heal.
Healing doesn’t happen overnight. Be patient with yourself and others who grieve differently. Trust that God is working in the waiting. Every day you get up and move forward, even through tears, is progress.

5. Reach out and comfort others.
When you share your story and offer empathy to someone else in pain, healing multiplies. Helping others through their loss brings meaning to your own. God uses your pain as a bridge of compassion.

6. Keep your hope fixed on heaven.
This world is temporary, but eternity is not. Let your heart rest in the promise that one day there will be no more sorrow or death. The love you feel now will one day be made perfect in His presence forever.

Love always comes with a cost, but it is a cost worth paying. Cuddles reminded me of that truth—his love reflected the heart of a God who gives freely, even knowing it will lead to sorrow for a time. Grief is the shadow of love, but it also points to a future where there will be no more shadows—only everlasting joy.

Until that day, I will thank God for the love that was shared, the lessons learned, and the hope that endures.

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