(Or is it time to rethink the acronym?)

Real joy is found when Jesus is at the center—and we live from a place of fullness, not fatigue.

There’s been this concept floating around for as long as I can remember. Maybe you’ve heard it too—especially if you grew up in church circles like I did. It’s the acronym J.O.Y.: Jesus first, Others second, and Yourself last.

It sounds noble, doesn’t it? Almost holy. But lately, especially as I engage in mental health coaching, I’ve started to question whether this idea really leads to joy at all. Because what I’m seeing—and have personally experienced—is quite the opposite.

I want to be clear from the start: Jesus absolutely should be first in our lives. There is no question about that. He’s the source of life, peace, direction, and true joy. But where I’ve begun to wrestle is in the order that comes after. The idea that “others” should always come second and “yourself” last may sound selfless, but for many of us, it’s quietly breaking us down.

You see, when I look around—when I listen to women, moms, caregivers, and even ministry leaders—I don’t hear the stories of overflowing joy. I hear stories of burnout. Of anxiety. Of health problems that went ignored because they were “serving.” I’ve been there too. Pushing past my limits in the name of doing good for others. Wearing exhaustion like a badge of honor. And even worse, believing that to take time for myself would be… selfish.

But is that really biblical?

One story keeps coming to mind. You’ll find it in Matthew 22:36-40.

A man asked Jesus,
“Master, which is the great commandment in the law?”
And Jesus said:

“Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind.
This is the first and great commandment.
And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.
On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”

Did you catch that last part? “Love thy neighbor as thyself.”

As thyself.

Jesus never said to neglect yourself for the sake of others. In fact, the way He framed it assumes that you already love and care for yourself. And from that healthy self-love—rooted in God’s love—you are then able to love others well.

But here’s the thing: If I’m running on empty, physically worn out, emotionally numb, and spiritually dry, how can I really love anyone else well? I may go through the motions, but I’m not offering them the best of me. I’m giving from scraps, not overflow.

And isn’t that what Jesus modeled? He withdrew to pray. He rested. He ate. He slept. He set boundaries. And He did all of this while living a life completely surrendered to the Father and serving others.

I’ve had moments where I’ve shared with others about the importance of sleep, exercise, or caring for their emotional health—and then realized I wasn’t living it myself. I was too busy “helping others” to help myself. The result? Exhaustion. Stress. Sleepless nights. Anxiety. And ironically, a shortened quiet time with God because I had too much to do.

This isn’t the way of Jesus.

The more I’ve sat with this, the more I believe it’s time to reframe the way we think about J.O.Y.. Real joy doesn’t come from self-neglect. It comes from right alignment. From a balanced life that honors God, respects ourselves, and loves others from a place of abundance—not depletion.

So here’s a gentle encouragement from someone who’s learning this the hard way:
Make your quiet time with God non-negotiable.
Then tend to your body and emotions—rest, eat well, move, process your feelings, grieve if you need to.
Then, prioritize the people closest to you—your spouse, your children.
Only after these things are in place can you pour into others in a healthy and sustainable way.

And that’s not selfish. That’s wisdom.

✨ Prayer of Commitment

Dear Heavenly Father,
Thank You for Your example of living a balanced, Spirit-led life.
Forgive me for the times I’ve placed others’ needs so far ahead of my own that I’ve neglected my health—physically, emotionally, or spiritually.
Help me to see myself through Your eyes—worthy of care, rest, and love.
Teach me how to love my neighbor as myself… not more than myself or instead of myself, but as myself.
Give me the wisdom to steward this life You've given me—my time, my body, my energy—with honor and grace.
And as I do, let my life become a testimony of Your peace, Your order, and Your joy.
In Jesus’ name,

Amen.

✅ Action Steps

1. Start your day with God – even if it’s just 10 minutes. Let Him center your heart before you face the world.

2. Assess your health – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Are you running on fumes? What needs to be replenished?

3. Set one boundary this week – say no to something that drains you and say yes to something that restores you.

4. Prioritize rest – schedule time to sleep, walk, pray, or do something that fills your soul.

5. Reflect on Matthew 22:37-40 – ask God what it looks like for you to love others as you love yourself.

6. Encourage someone else – share this new perspective with a friend or client who may be struggling in this area too.

💛 Closing Thoughts

It’s not selfish to care for yourself—it’s strategic balanced living.
Because when we care for ourselves in alignment with God’s Word, we’re better equipped to love others deeply, give generously, and reflect Christ authentically.

Real joy is found when Jesus is at the center… and we live from a place of fullness, not fatigue.
Let’s trade burnout for balance, and weariness for true joy.
Because you matter, too.